Deep in the Act - Chapter 12

[Chapter 12]

Fang Chi grabbed Micro Motion’s hand, and said displeasedly, “So you did it yourself?”

There was a large scratch on the joint bone of Micro Motion’s right hand, which was red and purple: “I broke the mirror in the company’s bathroom. ”

“We have a term called inversion,” Fang Chi looked really angry, and stared at people harshly: “Others hurt you, but you hurt yourself in a worse way.”

Micro Motion lowered his head, humming Said: “Not in the future.”

“Tell me about your colleague.” Fang Chi let go of him and leaned back in the chair.

Gao Zhun seemed unwilling to mention this person, a little vague: “Not a colleague, but a subordinate, a brat.”

Fang Chi raised his eyebrows: “What kind of person?

” Partner, don’t let him engage in creative work and let him take over, so I’ve been following me recently.”

Fang Chi suddenly remembered that Zuo Linlin had mentioned that Micro Motion and his colleagues had had an unpleasant fight, and there seemed to be physical conflicts: “Have you had any friction before?

Gao Zhun sighed: “I have.”

“What’s going on?”

”

It’s about the same as this time.” Gao Zhun looked embarrassed: “Probably… it’s my problem.”

Fang Chi wrote down in his notebook: Tendency to blame yourself.

“It’s nothing specific, just… he gives me a strong sense of oppression,” Micro Motion clasped his hands together, his fingers turned white: “he is tall and strong, and sometimes he would suddenly put my shoulders on my shoulders. , you know I’m afraid of being touched, especially his kind of aggressive person, I told him not to touch me, but he… I think he doesn’t respect me.”

“Why not respect?” Fang Chi went further .

“He will… suddenly scare me,” Micro Motion blushed, as if he didn’t want Fang Chi to see his incompetence: “He’s still young, so he might find it amusing, but I… really can’t stand it.”

Seeing Gao Zhun’s fingers dug deep into his palm, Fang Chi suddenly became irritable, and even wanted to push his hand away: “Well, we…” He was confused for a moment: “Let’s try the ’empty chair’ practice.”

He stood up, pulled his chair across from Micro Motion, then took a few steps back and looked at him from a far corner, as if he could calm down: “Try to imagine, imagine that this subordinate is sitting on that chair right now.” Sit on the chair, tell him what you want to say.”

Gao Zhun was a little dazed, and looked back at him frequently, making Fang Chi feel more irritable every time he looked at him: “Don’t look at me,” he pointed to the chair: “Yes’ He’ said.”

“I don’t like him, I have nothing to say to him, can I… tell you no?”

Fang Chi almost forced himself to refuse: “Then tell me how much you don’t like him, this exercise The purpose is to let you say what you can’t say in your heart.”

“Well…Justin,” Micro Motion bit the bullet and faced the empty chair: “I told you, I don’t like people touching me, every time you never When you hug me from behind, I feel very… uncomfortable, I hope you can pay attention to it in the future.”

It is indeed the tone of the boss to the subordinate, and Fang Chi has already begun to hate this Justin, and his mind is full of touches The picture of Micro Motion’s safety bottom line, those straight shoulders, that slender waist, and those hands dodging out of fear, that kid has violated all of them…Suddenly, he found himself distracted, like a fresh graduate Like novices.

Gao Gui entered into the role a little bit: “For example, the last auction in Macau, I know you were very excited to follow up for the first time, but I am your boss, you should not and cannot do that kind of thing, so I Hit you…” Once he started talking, he found that he couldn’t stop at all. This process of self-exposure made him relax, and even brought him a certain pleasure of relief: “This exhibition of expressionism is also, with you When we were together…you seemed to regard me as a woman!”

“Pause for a moment,” Fang Chi interrupted him: “Why do you say that you look like a woman when you are with him?”

Micro Motion was a little flustered, and this sentence was revealed inadvertently: “Because, because he is tall, my mother said that the real man is probably like that. He can easily lift the picture frame that I can’t lift. He makes me think I am very…feminine.”

Femininity, this is a misleading word, Fang Chi walked over: “Gao…” He almost called him Gao Zhun: “Mr. Gao, can you tell me about your definitions of male and female? ”

Micro Motion is like the kind of student who is eager to get the teacher’s praise. He is afraid that what Fang Chi wants to say is not the answer. Fang Chi found out, so he said: “Well, I have a few words here. ”

He gave these few words: responsibility, strength, snow white, temptation, tears and flames, Micro Motion without hesitation: “Responsibility and strength are male, snow white and tears are female, flame should be male, temptation…” He seemed to have some doubts about this word: “Is it a woman?”

“There is no correct answer,” Fang Chi’s answer was beyond his expectations: “In fact, this kind of dichotomy has its own problems. Social responsibility? Or is the beauty of female athletes not the beauty of power?”

Micro Motion was stunned, Fang Chi went on, he just wanted to break Micro Motion’s inherent values: “Caucasian men have snow-white skin, and when it comes to flames, they may Thinking of flaming red lips, as for tears, it is not the privilege of women.”

Gao Zhun was completely stunned, but Fang Chi calmly returned to his starting point: “So ‘femininity’ is not a man’s sin, just like left-handed people don’t need It

’s the same as correcting.”

A line of tears overflowed from under Micro Motion’s left eyelashes, and slid all the way down his cheek lightly and quickly, Micro Motion wiped it subconsciously, only to realize that he was crying, and he was a little flustered: “No, no, men and women are like that , Everyone thinks so…” While speaking, he licked his lips impatiently: “What you said may make sense, but I…” He held his wrist in pain: “I have a problem, or I won’t do that Kind of dream…”

“What kind of dream did you have?” Fang Chi was very concerned.

“I…” Gao Zhun stopped.

“Is it the same as those previous dreams?” Fang Chi asked sideways.

“No, it’s not the same,” he began to avoid Fang Chi’s eyes: “This dream is very…strange.”

Fang Chi sat down on the chair opposite him and looked straight at him: “Can’t you tell me? Gao Zhun began

to

tremble, stubbornly refusing to speak out, just when Fang Chi was about to give up, he suddenly said: “I dreamed that I became a woman.”

Fang Chi frowned, but immediately calmed down, this kind of The expression should not let the patient find out: “How are you sure, you are a woman in the dream?”

“My toes hurt because I wear high heels.” Gao Zhun’s face turned pale, not daring to look at him directly: “And my voice, And…”

He gritted his teeth, Fang Chi thought of something, and boldly guessed: “Is there someone else in the dream?”

Gao Zhun looked at him in surprise, his cheeks turned red quickly.

“Who is it? Is it a real person?” Fang Chi moved the chair closer to shorten the distance between the two, so as to give the other party a sense of security.

Gao Zhun’s face turned pale again. Fang Chi saw the blood disappearing from the corner of his mouth with his own eyes. His heart ached, and he really didn’t want to see him suffer anymore: “That person…is it me?”

Gao Zhun covered his mouth, his eyes closed. He was staring with fear and shame, like some kind of animal under the gun, struggling to die, Fang Chi already knew the result, but he had to ask the next question: “What are we doing?”

Micro Motion’s tears burst into tears The same came out: “Yes… I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

“No need to apologize,” it seems that Fang Chi is indeed what he thought. He has encountered such patients, and there are not many of them. This kind of dream: “Many people are like you, it’s nothing.”

Fang Chi’s calmness made Gao Zhun relax, and he timidly asked: “Really?”

“Really.” Fang Chi smiled gently, but he didn’t tell him Well, all the patients who had this kind of dream were female patients, and most of them had suffered domestic violence or sexual assault. Regarding this point, Fang Chi put a question mark in his heart.

“I think I’m… mean, I beat myself when I woke up, really!” Micro Motion was eager to express the other party’s apology, and leaned over, as if about to fall into the embrace of the object: “Please don’t look down on me, Qian Don’t…”

Fang Chi was about to hug her as soon as he stretched out his hand, but held back: “Do you know why I have this kind of dream?”

He thought Micro Motion would shake his head, but unexpectedly he nodded, and said in despair: “I know.”

This shows that the problem is still related to the traumatic event. Fang Chi asked: “Are you still unwilling to tell me what happened?

” If it makes you feel painful to say it, you can act it out for me.”

Some PTSD patients refuse to tell, but tend to show the horror experience again. He thought that Micro Motion would be willing to try, but he did not expect his body to react very violently, and his muscles trembled violently. Even the chairs rattled.

“Okay, okay,” Fang Chi hurriedly comforted him: “Or…let’s change the way, you can imagine that incident again, and show me?”

Micro Motion put down his hands and looked at him with hazy eyes, Fang Chi said : “I know it’s also difficult for you, but we have to overcome it, I hope you are healthy, only smile, no tears.”

Micro Motion was struggling fiercely in his heart, Fang Chi knew it, so he gave him Putting more effort into it: “I will be with you, for me, try?”

Micro Motion showed a kind of coquettish dependence, like a child who is afraid of injections, he just nodded hesitantly for Fang Chi’s happiness, Fang Chi pointed to the bright red Floyd reclining chair in the corner: “It will be more comfortable to lie down.”

Micro Zhun lay down on it as he said. The chair was very soft, and it supported his whole body firmly, like Fang Chi’s hands , to really relax him.

Fang Chi moved a chair, usually sitting one meter away from the patient is enough, but this time it was Micro Motion, he chose to sit nearby, thought for a while, and held his hand again.

Gao Zhun trembled, and immediately shook it back: “Don’t let me go…” He said, Fang Chi’s heart ached, he replied vaguely: “I won’t let go, you…you can start. ”

Gao Zhun closed his eyes and entered his memories. Fang Chi knew nothing about that world, and could only watch him quietly, connecting with his emotions with one hand.

With his pale face against the bright red chair, Fang Chi suddenly found that Micro Motion was very beautiful, with long eyelashes like a girl, forehead bones that were chilling in spring, and lips like apricots… He tightened his hands, and Micro Motion’s fear spread, and soon , Tears trickled down his nostrils again, and sank into the hollow at the corner of his mouth.

What did he go through?

Fang Chi’s mind was in a mess, and he couldn’t find a way to break through. He thought of his timidity, panic, nervousness, and that dream… He didn’t explore just now, what were they doing in the dream, were they talking, hugging, or kissing?

Does Micro Motion have homosexual tendencies?

No, probably not… Even if there was, what does it have to do with his traumatic experiences?

He couldn’t analyze any more, because Micro Motion’s reaction was getting bigger and bigger, the hand holding him was painfully clenched, suddenly, as if being stabbed severely, Micro Motion bounced off the chair, sobbing hysterically .

Fang Chi glanced at his watch. It took less than five minutes, which meant that it was a sudden incident, and it came very quickly and was very irritating. He held his back and rubbed it slowly: “It’s okay, you did a good job. Okay, don’t be afraid, I’m here.”

Gao Zhun didn’t let go of his hand, his fingertips were numb from being held, and Fang Chi didn’t want to pull his hand, he thought that what Micro Motion needed most at this time was A hug, but he wished he could fight for it himself: “Mr. Gao, do you remember the physical contact exercise we did before?” He went to wipe his tears, and Micro Motion took his hand and fell in his palm Nodding, Fang Chi said: “I hope you take the initiative this time, just a hug, can you do it?”

Micro Motion raised his head in embarrassment, looked at him seriously, as if distinguishing that face, and then slowly, With a mixture of shame and longing, he opened his arms towards him, like a chick with imprinted behavior, and threw himself into the embrace of safety.

Fang Chi also hugged him back, this is a good start, he thought, step by step, Micro Motion will tell him the story of that incident sooner or later: “Today is fine, you did very well.”

Gao Zhun nodded with his encouragement, and the two of them hugged like this, as if frozen in time, when Fang Chi looked at his watch again, it was already fifteen minutes later.

It took more than ten minutes to see the doctor. Gao Zhun was very sorry and apologized frequently. When he put on his coat and was about to leave, he remembered: “By the way, Doctor Fang, are you free this weekend?”

Fang Chi was a little surprised. Maybe he doesn’t invite people very much, he seems very cramped: “Lin Lin said I haven’t seen you for a long time, and I want to thank you, please come out to play…”

Fang Chi actually had a lot of excuses waiting for him, just like he did to Zuo Linlin, One sentence can be dismissed, but Micro Motion looked humble and said to himself in embarrassment: “I told her that you are very busy and may not have time, so…”

Fang Chi heard it, he wanted him to go Yes, he was also very afraid of being rejected, so he leaned against his desk and looked at him playfully: “Okay,” he laughed a little chicly: “You set a time and call me on Friday night .”